Serenity

Serenity
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Monday, July 16, 2012

Honest & Raw Thoughts

After a conversation with my hubby today, I am revisiting couponing, revamping MK, and searching for any way to make a dollar/save a dollar in the next 5 months. We have a ton of debt to pay off, a baby on the way, and our poor pantry needs to be desperately stocked!! We have discussed that unless the job market improves significantly by Christmas, it probably will not make much sense for me to go back to work after baby is born....any kind of childcare is amazingly expensive and would probably be more than my check is in a month. Plus I don't value putting my child in daycare. Of course, a lot has to happen between now and then...one of us has to work to pay bills at least!!
 With hope and a prayer, hubby will land this job at the local gun shop to work part time while in school, full time when not. Another hope and prayer is I will land this fantabulous part time job I interviewed for (which has a high possibility of becoming full time with good pay). Our housing allowance will take care of rent and my checks b/t now and then will help with the rest. We've cut our cable TV, are looking at different phone plans, have sold all that is able to be, don't go to the movies, I've stopped my manicures, & we try not to eat out too much (hard habit to break!!). I take the interstate to work to hopefully save on gas & try to combine all shopping into one round trip. We have been shopping Bilo to get fuel perks, we're on WIC & SNAP benefits, I'm on medicare to pay for all the doctor related baby stuff, and we're brainstorming any other ways to save money/increase income in this dreary, high unemployment area.
When this degree is finished, we are looking forward to moving to a smaller city, where the cost of living might not be so high!! We both thought moving to Charlotte would be a great step in the right direction for our family to get back on our feet. Big city surely would have lots of jobs.....not. Turns out moving to Charlotte has only put us farther into debt and held us back from where we could possibly be. However, we have met some good friends whom otherwise we would have never known, and we have been learning to depend on each other, since each other is all we have up here. Hind-sight's 20/20, but had we known, we would have stayed put in Charleston for a little bit longer...he would have gone to TTC & I would have found a job somewhere. We cannot undo what we have done, so we continue to push forward!
We've still got a long way to go and if a few certain things don't hurry up and happen, I'm not sure what we are going to do. BUT .... I have excelled at couponing in the past, I have built my MK business in the past and we can do it again. We can be better at how our money is spent and we can continue to find any way to increase our household income. We can get off our lazy duff's and find a church to belong to. It has been way too long since we've been in church and I'm certain that is a huge part of the issue.
I want to be debt free! I want to have a fully stocked kitchen again! I don't want to have to worry about which bills get paid, do groceries get bought, or do we buy critter food or our food? We essentially have 3 children to support (2 from his first marriage and our 1st), and we have to find a way to support ourselves before that can happen. 
It has been so frustrating not being able to make ends meet..not just for me but for my husband also. We've basically been a one car family since the spring when our/my Xterra decided to start acting up. She is 10 years old almost, but it always happens when I don't have the funds to fix it! Right now, we think she might need an alternator and thankfully someone has helped us out a little bit, but if that isn't the issue, then what?? We can't afford a new/used vehicle right now and the xterra isn't worth anything to trade it in. So we shall see.
It has also been incredibly frustrating trying to get our house organized and not having the funds to buy simple things to make that happen. And, knowing we have a baby on the way and not able to start buying baby things is even worse!!! 
I say all this to encourage ourselves & you to keep our heads up! I have honestly been incredibly negative the last few months (not like me) and it has worn me down and out. Owing tons of money to lots of people/companies & not able to pay all the monthly bills, kills both of us and I've allowed that to drag me down, down, down. 
So here we are. Five months pregnant, five months to go. Two weeks until school starts and still waiting on VA paperwork. One car family when we really need two. Outstanding debt every which way and not a dime to put towards it. Part time income that doesn't even begin to cover rent for a month. Something has to give and it has to give soon. Over a year of this is enough. Enough is enough. 
We will survive this. We will march through this and come out with soaring colors on the other side. There has to be a silver lining somewhere, a rainbow behind the clouds. Things have to get better! 
And here is to that happening. Here is to the victory that awaits. Here is to the light at the end of the tunnel. Here is to us...working to make a better life for ourselves and our children. 
Psalms 18:19.......He delivered me because He delighted in me.