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Friday, June 19, 2009

Thursday Night Rambles

Right off I'm going to warn you this is a post of rambling...just have a lot going through my head and need to write it down.

Sometimes I wish that I lived closer to the beach so I could go sit and read and relax!! I love reading on the beach! It's so calming....sitting there listening to the waves break, feeling the wind blow, hearing the birds cry, knowing that there are a ton of people around and yet its so quiet!! I wouldn't mind walking on the beach every day--makes the miles pass A LOT quicker!

I am thoroughly having a good time cleaning and decluttering my house, not to mention rearranging it. my living room looks really good---at least the front half of it does--!! I've moved on into the office which is an absolute mess! I do not know what to do with all the paper clutter! I hate it! But I'm one of those people who are afraid to throw it out b/c what if I need it down the road? *sigh* Thats' how I am with most everything though and I really do not like being a pack rat at all!

So I found a new workout series that I LOVE!~! Its the 10 min solutions...I did ab work, buns & thighs, and dance sculpt last night! For a total of 30 min work out it was the best one I've done and I truly felt like I had actually worked out!! Tonight I worked out in the pool (no seriously) and tomorrow I intend to do the work out again. Its supposed to get hot again so I don't want to be depending on walks right now...way too hot!!

I'm at a loss with everything else in my, jobs, marriage.....the only thing I am sure about is my church!! I'm so thankful to be surrounded by so many wonderful people...most are my best friends but I am so grateful! I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for them!!

Ever been stuck in the middle of something? Or worse, stuck b/t a rock and a hard place?? Thats kinda how I feel with everything surrounding my marriage/separation!! I'm legally separated now for a year...June 2010. I thought things were actually going smoothly but a week and a half ago the top blew out again...all because I was trying to explain how I feel about a certain delicate subject. Hopeless is the best way to describe how I feel right now. *Sigh* I just really dont know what to do. On one hand I feel like I should just let it go and move on. But on the other hand, I feel like I still need to fight for my marriage. But then again I dont know. Why does life have to be so hard sometimes? I know it builds character and it makes us who we are ! And no one said life would be easy or fair. I just never expected to have to deal with any of this at any point in my life!! I started to read an article today...I had to stop reading it (I was surrounded by people) because it was making me cry. Read talks about how this particular marriage the person was secure in knowing that no matter what her spouse was there..through thick and thin, good and bad. Need I say more?

Ok now that I have gotten some things off my chest, I'm going to bed now!