Serenity

Serenity
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Saturday, April 24, 2010

Amazing

God is so amazing! He is allowing one chapter of my life to come to a close but He is already showing me glimpses of the next chapter that awaits to be written and lived!! I have to say that I am excited!! He has done so many amazing things in my life in just the last year! I feel like I know Him better now than I have ever before! I am incredibly grateful for everyone He has put into my life to make me a stronger person! I have been richly blessed and I am forever grateful!
I am finally feeling happy again and lovin' life and ready to live it! FOR ME! Not for anyone else, but FOR ME! I don't feel like I've really lived life for myself, but for others, or what others have expected. Its time I followed MY dreams, etc.....and this year is a new beginning! New things are happening and I'm ready to walk that road! I'm ready for that journey! I'm so ready to find out all the things that are awaiting me!
My cup runneth over....................

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Updated: 25 Random Things about ME! :)

***This is from my facebook page a while back!~! I thought I update it some repost!!****



1. ...love to watch CSI: Miami & NY, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice!

2. ...do not have cable TV; do not even truly have TV! I watch my shows on the internet!!

3. ...have given up sodas and almost given up french fries!~

4. ...am dying to get debt paid off! GO DAVE RAMSEY!

5. ...love, love, love saxophone and guitar music!

6. ...wish I had a bigger house and lots of land!

7. ...was born in Fairbanks, AK...dont' believe me? ask my parents!!

8. ...absolutely love the smell of fresh clean sheets!

9. ...am 25 (almost) and went back to school last fall!

10. ...would sit and read for hours if I could.

11. ..have lived in the same neighborhood for almost 18 years.

12. ...live next door to my Nana and 4 doors down from my parents.

13. ..hate to get out of bed in the mornings but love being up early!

14. ...hate to be out in the dark alone...even on my front porch!

15. ...cannot stand backyard breeders or people who wont get their animals fixed!! Maybe they should go look at the shelters and see where their puppies end up! There should be strict, mandatory tests to pass for anyone to breed & there should be a nationwide LAW that any dog/cat not for breeding is to be fixed!! (ok stepping off the soapbox now!)

16. ...am a poet and an author...and have 3 more books in my head!

17. ...cannot stand my house to be dirty or unorganized!

18. ...have never broken a bone in my body or had measles/chicken pox, etc (and pray I never do!).

19. ...love cucumbers but hate pickles!

20. ...absolutely love CAMPING!!

21. ...love playing the piano but really can't play very well!

22. ...do not and have never had any wisdom teeth!

23. ...love, love, love Eeyore, GRITS (Girl Raised in the South); anything with the Palmetto emblem; monogrammed initials....anything girly!

24. ...would love to go to Florida to see white sand and clear water; Montana/Colorado to see rolling green meadows in the mountains; Kentucky to see the bluegrass and the Kentucky Derby; Maine to see the tip top of the East Coast; Chincoteague to see the Chincoteague ponies; Alaska to see my family and re-experience it; Disney World because, well, its Disney World!!

25. ...would love to have my own bookstore someday!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Rambles

Here I sit on a Wednesday night----one week ago, this time last week I was sitting around the campfire having a good time with extended family up on the mountain! Great times, good food, and amazing people! I miss them all incredibly!! Can't wait for the next camping trip!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Remembering

Sitting here thinking again. Enjoying the gentle breeze as I sit in my front porch swing. Oh how I love this swing! I love hearing the crickets sing, the birds chirp, got the radio on in the background...fresh spring air-oh how I love it! The sky is beautiful as it turns all shades of orange and red and fades into the night sky. I feel a change coming and its times like this one that I finally feel hope again. It seems to fade during the day but there's something about finding that special spot that brings back the feeling that everything will be okay.

Spring is definitely here. Flowers and trees are blooming, the days are getting warmer, uh, hotter...birds are everywhere, and the bugs are finding their way out (ugh)! The geese fly over head and honk their greeting. I know most of them are headed north to stay cool. The air smells fresh and clean, and though its pollen-filled right now, I can't get enough of it. I am such a nature girl. Though I hate the heat and the bugs, I truly love to be out in God's creation! There is something about it that brings you closer to Him! 

It is April now. OH and the whippoorwills are out, which means the bob-whites will be out soon. It brings back tons of memories of Papa. We used to sit on the porch and listen to the birds and try to mimic them.  He was pretty good at it. I miss him so much. I can't believe its been nine months since he's been gone. It doesn't take much for me to break down in tears when I think of him. Oh I know I'll see him again but he was such a huge part of my entire life!! 

I have been thinking too about this last year of my life and how much it has changed. This time last year...although we fought like crazy, my husband was still at home. He left a few weeks later. So its been just about a year since that happened. So much has happened to me since then. I know I have become a stronger person because of it and I pray I've become a better Christian because of it. I have learned a lot about myself since last April and I have done a lot of things that I may have not otherwise done. I went back to school for one thing, I started attending Zumba classes, I traveled to GA to see family, I started and have nearly finished my t-shirt quilt, I have made new friends and made stronger relationships with the ones I've always had. I have decluttered a lot of stuff in the house and re-organized the rest. I started couponing and getting more for my money. I started tithing again on a regular basis. I've watched friends get engaged, married, and have babies. I've spent more time with family and friends and less time worrying about getting "things" done. Although I still get in my moods! LOL! I watched my sisters grow up another year older. 

As memories were made, many more memories weren't that in a normal course of a year would have been. There were no holidays trips to see my in-laws, no "vacation" weekends in Greenville, no joyous moments as we paid yet another debt off, no midnight trips to get ice cream just for the heck of it (we did that once and it was so much fun!), no dinner and movie dates, no dancing in the middle of the living room to our own music.........oh the list could go on. It is a bittersweet time for me....this whole "divorce" thing is almost over, and yet, a chapter of my life is on the last page. I am moving on as best I can right now, but there are still many times when I just want to rewind or wake up and find that it was all a bad dream. That's normal I guess, but it doesn't make it easier. When he left, he took more than his stuff. He took a part of me; he took a piece of my heart. God is healing it, one piece at a time.

My church family has grown by leaps and bounds (not necessarily in numbers) and I am daily amazed at how connected we are and forever grateful for those awful awful events that led to the birth of Catalyst. It is hard to believe we've only been together a little over a year. It is hard to describe the amazing-ness of Catalyst. It is so real, so refreshing! Our pastor preaches the truth at any cost and we are so thankful. We are not a "huge" church in numbers but that doesn't matter to us. What matters is that we keep building the foundation on the Rock, and that we reach out to the community and share that foundation. I am very excited for our Easter service tomorrow evening! 

Some nights I sit here and hate the fact that I'm alone. That there is no one to come home and no one coming home to me. No one to share dinner with and no one to cuddle up next to in bed. No one to text me all day and say "I love you" or share some silly thought. It's life though and it's okay. I'm just reflecting, so please don't feel sorry for me. 

As I said earlier there is a change coming and I can feel it. I don't know what it is but I pray its good! I've had enough "bad" lately! I am determined to change my income level this year! I'm determined to finish my quilt and I'm determined to get some scrap book pages done. Not to mention to continue to get rid of stuff that I don't need or don't use. I am praying for more income so that I can afford my bills. I hate not being to pay anything!! I am getting better at my "budgeting"....though I'm not yet curbed my "un-necessary" spending habit. It's not as bad as some and I certainly do not use credit cards but I need to be better at it. 

A change is coming for me physically too. I am determined to get back into shape (besides round) and to continue to learn how to eat better. Okay so I don't really want to be pencil thing but I want to cut the flab and trim down!! I have lots of favorite "summer" dresses that I haven't worn in a few years because they truly make me look prego, which would be fine if I was, but I'm NOT!! Anyway---the point is that this year I will not sit on my butt and wish! I'm going to DO !! And please feel free to keep me on my toes and accountable!

I suppose that's all my thoughts for now. Time to plug the laptop back in and get a shower. My book and my bed are calling to me...more packing follows work tomorrow. Hopefully will get around to vacuuming tomorrow and I'll finish the laundry and such Sunday/Monday. I hate coming home to a dirty house after vacation so I have to clean it some beforehand! Sure wish I had tomorrow off! Will be incredibly thankful if I can find a job that is M-F and no weekends!!

~~

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Misc Murmurings

What a flippin week! Here I am 5 days away from vacation and I'm so stressed out!! Forgive me if all I do is vent in this blog!! It has just been one of those weeks. I truly to do not know what I'm going to do. It seems like my "year" from hell wont' end. Please do understand that most of this is just because I'm stressed and I need to vent!! I do recognize that I have come far and I do know that there are great things ahead of me. And while most of the time I'm fine and dandy...it doesn't take much to pull that out from under me and then I fall back into the "stressed out" mood! I will be the first to admit that my days off are my favorite days! What I wouldn't do to be able to have my own schedule and be my own boss!!

For the longest time I have not been terribly stressed about money but now its weighing heavily! It is so hard to trust my God above with this area even though He has not failed me yet! I have been searching for employment that will better pay the bills and hopefully have some medical benefits, and everything I apply for seems to fall through. I cannot continue as I am. I fear that I am going to have to totally rearrange my schedule and find a night job somewhere...probably in a restaurant even though I hate the thought of that. Seems like the harder I look the less I find. There have been several jobs I've seen that look real good but they are out in Mt P and Charleston! Doesn't seem hardly worth the drive because of the cost of gas and the time spent driving!  I feel like I have been looking high and low and there is nothing out there! I'm so tired of being poor and not being able to pay my bills!!

Backtracking....last Friday was another good day! I ran errands Friday morning, got my hair cut (SHORT) and then walked the Flowertown Festival with my friend. We had a great time and enjoyed good conversation and good laughs. I worked Saturday but had Catalyst Sat night! Woo Hoo!! Sunday I dont remember doing much and Monday was good too for the most part. Met a friend for breakfast and we worked on a couple projects we have going, then ran a few errands and went back home. Started packing for my camping trip and ended up just not having the motivation. But ended the evening with a Bible study with my peeps which was really great!

Right now I'm tired and grumpy so I think I'll sign off and get some sleep! Such an incredibly busy day tomorrow! Thinking about walking 3 miles with my dog in the morning, shower, more packing and cleaning, nails done at 12 (so I dont totally destroy them at camp), and then more packing and cleaning and maybe Zumba class in the evening! I'm really enjoying the Zumba classes!! Fun and definitely cardio packed!