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Friday, August 28, 2009

"Oh Little One"

Oh, Little One

A tiny finger, a tiny toe,
Sweet blue eyes and a perfect nose
Beautiful face, all aglow
Sweet surprise, a few months to go.

A sweet surprise oh little one,
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
Beautiful miracle, can hardly believe,
A miracle for us, yet too soon you had to leave.

Godspeed to heaven Oh little one
Gods arms are waiting for you
At the pearly gates of heaven,
Amazing love, awaiting just for you.

Beautiful baby, oh so precious and sweet,
Angels are waiting, to hold you for me
Fly to heaven my sweet precious child,
Be safe in the arms of the King.

When we meet you up in heaven one day
We’ll sing and dance, laugh and play
‘Til then you’ll be in our heart
A special love, and never very far apart

A tiny finger, a tiny toe,
Sweet blue eyes and a perfect nose…
Soar on wings of eagles, oh little one,
And carry our love with you as you go.

~~Jessica R Garner~~
~~August 25, 2009
~~Written in memory of “Baby” Barfield~~We’ll meet you in heaven, sweet Baby!~~

Copyright (C) 2009 Humminbird Creations

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Obedience & Blessings

While I was mowing the grass this morning, the word Obedience came across my mind and stuck. I began praying for God to show me areas in my life where I need to be more obedient to Him. Areas that I need to cover in prayer so that I am walking on His path and following His Word. When we are obedient to Christ, he blesses us in ways that we would never know if we were disobedient.

What is obedience?
Main Entry: obe·di·ence
\ō-ˈbē-dē-ən(t)s, ə-\
Function: noun
Date: 13th century
1 a : an act or instance of obeying b : the quality or state of being obedient
2 : a sphere of jurisdiction; especially : an ecclesiastical or sometimes secular dominion
3: the state, fact, or an instance of obeying, or a willingness to obey; submission

What does the Bible say about obedience?

Deuteronomy 4:1 Obedience Commanded

1 Hear now, O Israel, the decrees and laws I am about to teach you. Follow them so that you may live and may go in and take possession of the land that the LORD, the God of your fathers, is giving you.

Deuteronomy 28:1 Blessings for Obedience

1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth.

Romans 5:19 (NIV)

19For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.

1 Peter 1:2 (NIV)

2who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

2 John 1:6 (NIV)

6And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.

Obedience to God is one of the ways we show him we love Him. He will bless us when we are obedient, when we walk with Him. Life will fall into place if we obey, if we listen and seek His guidance, his wisdom, his strength, his will. What part of your life do you need to be more obedient to Him in? For me, the first one that crosses my mind is financially and physically. I dont mean just tithing regular--but all areas of our finances. Physically, I have not been taking care of my body---which the Bible says is Gods temple, because if we are Christians, he lives inside of us---I need to be obedient at exercising and eating more healthier choices. I also need to be more obedient with my time. My quiet time lacks. I have a hard time developing the habit of sitting down with God during the day to read His word, pray, and seek Him. I worship him through song throughout the day but I need to set time aside to delve back into the Word. I need to spend time petitioning God, going BODLY to His throne (thanks Ms. Debbie), and seeking Him and His will for my life. God is our Father, our Friend, our Savior, our Life, our Stronghold, our Strength, our Love, our Teacher. He is our Wisdom, our Provider---He is there when everyone else turns away. Why then do we not spend more time with Him? Why then do we not petition God for our wants and our needs? For the desires of our hearts? He knows them! But he WANTS us to spend time with Him. He created us for fellowship; He created us in HIS image! HE CREATED US!!!

I want God to be my first love. I want Him to be above all else in my life! Am I perfect? No! Will I succeed with this overnight? No! But I have a lifetime ahead of me to constantly work at perfecting I will NEVER be perfect--I'm human, I'm a sinner.....but I believe that all God asks of us (as far as perfection goes) is that we STRIVE daily to be like Him! That we lay down our cross DAILY to be more like Him! That we make decisions based on "What Would Jesus Do?"!

My challenge to you, and to myself, is to pray that God would open our eyes and show us what area (s) of our lives that we need to work on 'perfecting' our obedience to Him in!!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Truly a Dance of Thoughts

This is not an official post....more like a spot for me to jot down my ramblings while they are running through my head....

I have recently applied to, and been accepted by CSU (Charleston Southern University). I'm registered for classes and had orientation today (which was fun and informative) and now I'm waiting on classes to begin on Wednesday. However, I got my financial aid letter today....since its so late in the year and since I filed my FAFSA after the deadline, I was not awarded any grant money. All I was offered were loans...which is exactly what I did NOT want to do. I am a little unsure about accepting those loans...the Bible says that the "borrower is a slave unto the lender" and I'm in enough debt as it is. A friend of mine has challenged me to pray about accepting the loans for 3 days and see what God says. If I dont accept the loans then I probably wont be able to take my classes. I think what it comes down to is the question of "is school really something that God is orchestrating or is it something that I want and am not supposed to do right now?" Pray with me this weekend that God will clearly open the doors about this situation. I am not sure if I have to accept the full amount of the loans or if I can just accept what is absolutely necessary for my current classes for this year and then see if I get pell grants next year or a job at CSU (which means free tuition).

I know God is doing amazing work in my life. A few paychecks ago I started tithing again on a regular basis and I believe that that step of faith is what has blessed me this month. I have been able to thankfully pay all my August bills and still have money left over. I was even able to put a little bit of money in savings!! September is fast approaching and I know that God will once again provide. He is showing me how to depend on him for everything and how to "let go and let God". My attitude doesn't stay "depressed" for long periods least it didn't this month concerning money. Oh, I was worried there for a little bit but at one point I was just like, "God you've got to do this for me please!" And sure enough he did!

Although I am still technically "married" right now, I pretty much consider myself single. NOT available, just single. It helps keep me from yearning for the old days, for things to be the way they were. I have some awesome friends who have awesome "significant others" in their lives. One pair encourages me to (when I'm ready) seek a man who is totally TRULY REAL and on fire for Christ completely! Who treats me like a jewel and whom I can treasure. (Not to say I didn't treasure the one I had all those years, but unfortunately its a 2 way street and it wasn't being given back.) One pair makes me look forward to the day when God gives me the man he has for me. Another pair shows me that God will make all things work for His good and that His timing isn't our timing. I have so many awesome, wise, Christian people in my life right now! I know its ALL GOD and I am so incredibly thankful for them!! I know that (as far as church goes) I am where I am supposed to be because I am finally being fed, I am finally learning again. The people that are on this journey with me I would've never met if my life had been different, or if I hadn't've "moved on" at a time when I wasn't real sure what to do. God is so incredibly faithful and is continually showing me something new and providing for me and letting things work out. Some people say I have a "simple faith"...and in a way, I guess I do. I mean, God said it so its true! Its in the Bible, which is God's word, so its true. Yet, there are longing within my heart to be a woman of grace, a woman of God, a daughter of the King in ways I have never experienced yet and in ways that I see in all those Christian women who have been put into my life. I grew up in church and I was homeschooled so I have the Biblical background (for which I'm incredibly thankful...its helped shape me into who I am today), but I don't ever remember being taught how to have a relationship with Christ on a "person to person" level. Does that make sense? Like, I knew we were supposed to and were able to walk with him and talk with him and we're supposed to lean on him and depend on him and all......but I was never really taught HOW to do that....I was taught where to read that...where in the Bible to find those Scriptures....but now in this place that I am at, I am being taught how to TRULY walk and talk and depend on him!! I still struggle immensely with having a daily quiet time, not getting distracted while praying, REMEMBERING to pray, memorizing Scripture, and more, but I know that if I will be quiet and listen, that He will speak to me and the more I grow in him the more I will be able to hear his voice.

I long to be a woman of grace, I long to be a Proverbs 31 woman, I long to walk closely with God and to seek him and find him in all areas of my life, at all times of the day or night; for Him to be the FIRST one I go to when I need comfort, shelter, encouragement, counsel, friendship, peace, joy, strength, courage....I want him to be FIRST in EVERYTHING that I do, every thought that I think, every word that I say, every action that I take. I want to be like gold refined in the fire, I want to be the iron that sharpens iron, I want to be .... real. I want to be .... true. I want to be.... Gods--completely.

In the aspect of house clutter....well...there is something soothing about a clean house. I cleaned house furiously for a several hours this week. I did floors, dishes, laundry, bathrooms, catbox, trash, dusted, cleaned the counters, cleaned the sinks, watered the garden, filed bills, straightened up, and more. I still have a ton of clutter to go through and a ton of stuff to reorganize and find a place for but I feel like I'm on the verge of something. ...........

I feel like I'm on the verge of a release. Whether it be financially, emotionally, physically...I'm not sure. But God has just been so incredibly good to me....he has made me MORE aware of HIM this year than he has ever been before! I know...I KNOW he has a plan for me (Jer 29:11) and I KNOW that he will not let harm come to me. I KNOW his grace abounds and I KNOW he is and will use me. I'm just not sure of all the details and that is another area where I have to learn to trust him. I am a very detailed-oriented person. I like to have everything planned out. I have a bit of OCD about stuff like that. However, Gods timing isn't my timing. He knows so much better what is good for me and at just the right time. My duty is to wait and let Him work. Thats a very tough lesson I have to learn....but if we were to go ahead and do everything we thought we needed or wanted, we would miss out on some very valuable lessons, some very awesome blessings and potentially the chance to use our lives as a witness to someone else who is watching.

God knows the desire of our heart. A friend of mine reminds me of that constantly. I can hear her say those words to me. He KNOWS that I want to go back to school; he KNOWS that I want a piano I can play; He KNOWS that I want to be debt free and financially secure; He KNOWS that my heart aches with the pain of losing 2 people I loved this year; He KNOWS that I rejoice for the people he has put in my life; He KNOWS that I love my family and want the best for them; He KNOWS that I have dreams for the future; He KNOWS that I want to find someone who will treasure me and take care of me; He KNOWS that I long to be a godly wife; He KNOWS that I want to travel one day and see places that I can only read about right now; He KNOWS that I want to be a mom someday; He KNOWS that I love to read and to write; He KNOWS that I want to live for Him; He KNOWS...He KNOWS!!!

He also knows how badly I struggle with body clutter!! Ugh!! My eating habits are horrible! I do not eat healthy foods like I should and I have a horrible horrible relationship with sweets. Its a spot in my life that I need to surrender. Hmmm...never thought about that before. How do you go about surrendering so much--consciously--in your life so God can make a change? How do you consciously and continously be aware of how each decision may impact your future (near or far) and how do you learn to be actively seeking Him throughout the whole day---while at work or at school or anywhere? How do you do it? Its more than just reading the Bible (which is an awesome thing to start off with of course). I know its spending a lot of time in prayer...but how do you do that without being distracted? I am easily distracted while praying, I'm sorry to say, and I feel funny praying out loud--especially if I'm by myself. When I was a kid I was always the one they called on to pray, to answer questions, etc. When I was young, it didn't bother me but as I got older it did. So now its tough, its hard for me to form my thoughts to pray out loud --whether in groups or alone-. I always feel like my prayers aren't good enough or that they are superficial, or that I pray the same thing over and over.

There is so much more in my brain that is jumbled up that I want to get down. I want to write again...some nights I feel like I could but then I dont. But then other nights I write for what seems like hours but is only a few minutes. Blogging helps but I long to be able to sit down and write short stories and poetry again. I long to be able to just let it flow. Its been a very long time since anything truly creative has been written. But I feel like I'm in a change of seasons. I feel like the fall breeze is coming. And with it a whole new path of life for me. An amazing story to pass on and walk others through perhaps these same struggles in their life. ~~~