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Monday, August 23, 2010

"And joy comes in the morning.."

I reference the 2nd part of the verse from Psalm 30:5 because that is where I feel I am right now. The verse says: "Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning." and I have, in a sense, been "weeping" for a long time. Now, I am finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Joy has exploded in my life and although there is still a lot going on I haven't been this happy or this at peace in a very long time! 

If you've kept up with my blog, you know that my divorce was final the end of July! It was as if as soon as the judge ruled, the clouds open and the heavens poured down upon me! I had a wonderful lunch with my Mom and my Nana and then while browsing through a gift shop I got a phone call which led me to a job interview! That job fell through, but the day after that first interview I landed one at a shop about five minutes from where my Dad works. I was called back the next day for a second interview and three days later I was hired!! I start that job on the 30th of this month! I am excited because it will be more hours which lead to a better paycheck, plus there are benefits after three months, and it will be a whole new experience! The downfall is that it means getting up 2 hours earlier than what I'm used to! 

On top of the divorce being final, the new job practically falling in my lap (all praise goes to GOD for that!!), and finally feeling like I'm "free" again.....I am losing the house. It's okay though. I've done everything possible and maybe far more than most people would, to attempt to save it. But even if I kept it, I wouldn't be able to make payments AND do the repair work that's needed. So...I've signed a lease on a cute one bedroom apartment across town. I'm excited but anxious/nervous about moving away from "home"! Haha...25 and just now "moving away from home". Sounds kinda funny but its true! I've practically been in this neighborhood for all of the last 18 1/2 years (save for 7 months) ! I know the majority of the people here, if not by name, then at least by face or what car they drive. I'm at the front of the neighborhood so I feel like the "monitor" for everyone...who's coming/who's going and when! LOL!! I will miss not being right next door to my Nana, or able to literally walk down the street to my parents. I'll miss not being able to have my family walk by and 'drop' in to see me at random times!! And vice versa. I'll miss my yard (as cruddy as it can be at times); I'll miss my crepe myrtle trees, my azalea bushes, and my front flowerbed I've worked so hard on for the last 4 years!! This is silly but I'll miss my monkey grass!! I love cutting that back in the spring and watching it come back full and green!!  Right now I'm not sure if I'll be able to take my porch swing with me and if I can't I'm probably for sure going to cry because that is the one place I love to be in my house when the weather is perfect. I am hoping to take it with me, though and be able to use it! I guess the majority of my emotions just goes back to the feeling of safety -- although in recent months my n'hood isn't so safe! -And on that same note I feel like it's my job to watch out for my family too and if I'm not here I won't know what's going on.....and it also goes back to being moved out of my comfort zone into uncharted territory. But as a good friend put it for me... it's a step of faith. This whole journey has been one step of faith after another. God hasn't failed me yet..why would He start now? He provided many ways for me to stay in the house as long as I have, He provided the money for bills and groceries, He provided the "tools" He knew I would need against Satan when Satan tried to pull me down into the pit of despair, He put the right people in the right place at the right time to encourage, inspire, love, and carry me through. He has been so good!! I'm so thankful that I chose to cling to Him through the rough times of the last year and half or so!! I can't imagine turning my back on God in something as awful as what I've been through.  I think it's important to stop and share some verses from Romans with you. These are from Romans 8 and it starts in verse 31 (this is from the NIV version): " 31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:  "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I am on the verge of starting three new classes at Trident Tech this week too. I'll be taking English, Art History, and a computer course this semester!! I just finished a crappy class from CSU that I almost failed! In fact, the final grades aren't anywhere close to being in so I really don't know what I have in it!! Anyway, three classes on top of a new job and moving is going to be quite the stress but I hope I can handle it and keep my GPA up! I'm hoping to be able to take the journalism and creative writing courses that are offered at tech. I want to get back to writing. I have a ton of unfinished "work" that I want to finalize and then I want to look into getting a book "really" published! And I especially want to get my kids book's written!!

This is going to be a very crazy semester for me!! What a great time in my life though!! Life is finally starting to look up and I can "look back and see how far I've come"! God has been working wonders in my life and I'm so thrilled that I can see that!! He has allowed me to through hell (and yes, I consider what I've been through to be "hell" for me!) and come out stronger on the other side so that I can minister to others who are in the shoes I've walked through. Whether its because they are going through a divorce or because they are lacking in faith or scared that people won't love them when they know the "real stuff", God has already used me several times to minister to them! I am so thankful that our God is a God who brings healing to the sick and brokenhearted and who is able to bring something wonderful out of the worst of our pain. Although there were times when it just didn't seem like it was ever going to get any better, I don't think I ever doubted God. I felt hopeless and ready to give up over and over, but I don't think I could say I doubted Him. He had me surrounded by guardian angels who refused to give up on me! Even if they had to repeat the same thing over and over to me!! He is SOO GOOD!! 

This has been a journey of ups and downs, mountains and valleys, joys and trials. Yet at every turn God met me there. He met me and has taught me to better rely on Him ! He has given me the joy of tithing, He has given me the joy of being real with the people I care most about! He has given me the opportunity to be an instrument of healing in someone else's life -- that is all through Him, I take NO credit for it! He has given me peace about the things I've had to give up....yes that started with my marriage, and has now moved to my house. Like I said , though, it's okay. It's the step of faith that will make me stronger. God is opening the doors wide for me right now and I am ready to walk through them....backed by the support of family and friends who believe in me and will support me through anything.

I leave you with this verse, which also happens to be a beautiful song:

Isaiah 40:30-31
" Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD  will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."